Sunday, May 3, 2009

Babies: Do They Dream?

Tedd snapped this pic of me and Paloma snoozing away:

Adventures in co-sleeping

My baby has been constipated as of late. Scratch that -- she just hasn't pooped. Much of what we've read on infant constipation says that if she's farting (which, oh lordy, she is) then she's not properly constipated. Nonetheless, we've seen only a schmear of fecal matter in two days, so like all good paranoid parents, we'll be calling the pedi first thing in the morning. Still, Paloma does seem to be eating well. In a strange twist of fate, I've been nursing her. I was practically forced to do so when a bottle I'd packed for her curdled in the sunshine! Nowadays Paloma eats when she wants to eat for as long or as short a span of time as she wants to eat. If I really feel like I still have a hungry baby on my hands after nursing, I'll offer her a bottle. Sometimes she takes it, and sometimes she doesn't. According to the weight I took by sneaking into the hospital to use a scale, Paloma weighs just under 9 pounds. Two weeks before I did that, she weighed exactly 8 pounds.

Baby yawns are the best yawns

I still feel terrible that I spent so much time crying over her, beseeching her to eat, in the first 10 weeks of her life. It kills me to think I may have done some damage to our relationship, though I suppose many other parents cry over their infants for other reasons, perhaps financial reasons or reasons involving marital difficulties. Still, they are them and I am me, so I will likely carry a great deal of guilt with me over this until the day I leave my corporeal form behind.

I'm trying to make up for it with cuddle time, long walks in pleasant weather, and lots of (admittedly one-sided) conversations about life, the universe, and everything.

But on a completely different note, this is lately my favorite song:


I don't know if Paloma dreams, but sometimes when she's sleeping she'll smile or grimace or whimper or cry out and it's impossible not to read something into that. I imagine baby dreams to be collages of images and sounds. Does Paloma dream of being born? Of her days in the NICU? Of me sobbing over her? Does she remember anything of her life this early in her existence? Sometimes I hope so... sometimes I hope not.

4 comments:

  1. Cute, you sleep in the same position!

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  2. love the picture. totally get the guilt! there will always be something we find as mothers to be guilty about - with Big B I question her paternal situation, and with little B I worry that I wasted the early months in a fog of depression. can't win... so eff it all and enjoy that baby! she looks great - maybe ceasing to worry so about nursing has allowed it to happen more organicaly. you're doing a great job!

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  3. Agreed, you are doing such a great job! :)

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  4. Mira and Rebecca: Thanks for the reassurance, ladies! It means a great deal!

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