Thursday, June 11, 2009

More Than a Mommy

I wish the things I *want* to do were the same as the things I *should be* doing.

Oh, and that the baby would help me do any of those things by napping more during the day!

I've been feeling kind of blah lately, mainly because I feel like making something other than huge amounts of baked goods to freeze so I stop spending so much money on snacks. I'd like to sew another big bag, maybe paint something... last night I sketched the cats a few times. It's a start, right?

Nice days

Tedd called me a housewife the other day while joking that I would enjoy it very much if Glen Hansard were to come and find me and take me away from my life. I was like "Hey, I'm not a housewife, I'm a BLOGGER! And I get paid, even though it's not very much." My copy editing job, which had been steady for about a year, has all but dried up. We were given the option of leaving, but I told my boss that I'd be happy to stay on for even two hours a month. Desperate!

Now is not the time to be a freelancer who isn't willing to write feature-length articles for $5. And for me, now is not the time to think about finding a full-time job and putting the Pidge in daycare, since everything I'm qualified to do (write, report, edit) pays such shit anyway that I'd be working to pay for daycare unless I was willing to put my baby in shite daycare. And frankly, I don't want to put her in daycare. I don't, I don't, I don't.

I know I might have to, but leaving an infant with strangers strikes me as just about the most ridiculous thing to do unless you really absolutely have to. I know, I know, some people just like working and want to go back to work, and that's cool, but it is *not* for me. At least not until we're so hurting for money that I have no choice whatsoever. As far as I see it, babies imprint on their parents for a reason. Or maybe it's the other way around.

All I know is that even thinking of leaving Paloma to sit all day in daycare makes me burst into tears.

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