Thursday, December 30, 2010

On the Day-to-Day

Today marks a week since I had my D&E and two days until the start of a new year. Some people might go on and on about endings and new beginnings, but that just seems silly since it's not like ticking over to 2011 is going to change anything in my day-to-day life. So what's left? That day-to-day, I guess.

Right now, the BabbyDaddy is home from work and Uncle Mike is here - at least until the end of the week. After that, I get forced back into normalcy - minding the Babby all on my lonesome for most of the day, working when she's sleeping, and trying to take care of myself as best as I can.

Which is probably not very well at the moment.

It doesn't help that I feel like I look like the Venus of Willendorf when I take off my clothes or that I either feel nauseous or get a stomach ache after every meal I manage to choke down. And I've definitely been taking my solace in merlot in the evenings since the physical after-effects of the anesthesia and intubation have worn off.

The one thing I've done for myself lately that's felt even a little good has been this:

And I realize that there are plenty of people out there who won't understand wanting to memorialize something like losing triplets with a tattoo, of all things. But the thing is, I know that after a while, people will stop thinking about me thinking about my loss. Life will go on, life will get better, and I may go on to have another babby. I don't want to forget this part of my journey, though, and I want a reminder of the immediate impact it had on me.

For those who worry about me, it's not all doom and gloom. As far as coping goes, these two are my biggest sources of strength:


  1. I understand. The only way I got through my experience was a lot of Vicodin, a friend who'd had a late miscarriage and who got it, and (in lieu of a tattoo) a statute in the garden.

    Still don't remember much about that summer, which is what I needed.

  2. I adore the tattoo. The self-portrait is exquisite. I'm sure you weren't aiming for artistry, but its composition is compelling

  3. I know it's been a long time but I'm a new reader. When I lost my baby last summer, I absolutely got a tattoo. And I got it on my wrist where I will have to see it all the time because losing my baby has forever marked me. See, it does make perfect sense to some of us!

  4. Thanks for commenting, Tracie... Sure it's been a while, but I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in responding the way I did. I hope you're doing well and wish your family all the best.


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