Friday, January 7, 2011

On Mamahood After Miscarriage

Overall, I'm pretty glad that the Babby is too little to understand that a bad thing happened to her mama and her papa and that she doesn't have to internalize the disappointment of my losing my babies. But there's a part of me that wishes she understood just a little bit, if only because my silences wouldn't confuse her and she'd be a little more okay with my needing to take breaks during the day. Right now, I so want to be a good mama but some days I feel like I am just doing an absolutely terrible job.

3 comments:

  1. The fact that you're THINKING about these things is a sign of a good mama. Keep your chin up :)

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  2. I felt like I was doing a terrible job when my PPD was really bad, even though the type I had made me a hypervigilant, and over protective mother. I started practicing mindfulness throughout the day so that I was at least aware of my unawareness. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is that I was able to sit down and say to myself, "what are you doing right now?" and just be in it, feel the moment and not let it pass.

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  3. @Courtney I'm trying, oh, I'm trying!

    @Erin That seems like a good thing to try. I'd like to be able to look around and see the external without letting go of the internal.

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