Sunday, April 10, 2011

Toddler, Was There Really a Time I Didn't Love You?

There's this weird disconnect in my brain between reality and perception when it comes to the Babby. 

My logical brain absolutely accepts that for most of my life, the Babby wasn't there. She didn't exist yet (at least not as I know her now) and I was never one of those people who made an effort to imagine my future children in any kind of detail. 

So, as the saying goes, once upon a time the Babby wasn't even a twinkle in her mama's eye.

newborn psychology

And yet when I think back five years or seven years or so, the emotional part of my brain sort of slips the Babby into the peripheral of my memories. Of course, she's not actually there when I imagine, say, the day I married the BabbyDaddy or any of the parties we attended way back in the day or the time when I worked at the tiny little newspaper in Queens or my old apartment in Brooklyn. 

But there is a part of my brain that  corrects for that with a vague explanation - not actually strictly defined or even expressed in any conscious way - like she's just around the corner or in another room. Rather like a ghostly pre-image (as opposed to an after-image) of the Babby was following me around, waiting to be born.

Isn't that weird?


  1. I think it's rather sweet, actually. I can imagine an illustrated book of a mother telling her child how, even before you were's as though you were just around the corner.

  2. You have design/illustration skillz - feel like collaborating on a book? My agent for iDo doesn't do that sort of thing, but he should be able to put us in touch with someone who does once we have a concrete draft.

  3. Oh! Sure! That would be awesome

  4. Awesomesauce! I shot an email your way - using the address on your blog!

  5. That is one of the sweetest things I've read in ages. I love it. I would totally buy the book. :)

  6. Oh so lovely, YES, book, colaborate, that would be so wonderful.

  7. This is so sweet, it verbalized exactly how I feel when I think of pre-baby memories.

  8. What a unique perspective! Now you've got me thinking... it does feel like my children have been with me all my life. I guess because they are a part of me. Oooh -- that's neat. I never thought about it that way before!

    I'm one of those people who ever since I was a little girl wanted to be a mom. I was the older sister, I loved babysitting, even at my first job I jumped at the chance to take the interns around with me.

    So I guess what you're saying is that your children are sort of a manifestation of your personality. Which allows for a deeper connection to them.

    Thanks for the deep thoughts!

  9. I love the idea of our future child shadowing us in the years before they were's spiritual comfort.
    btw, I'm all giddy about you contributing a guest post to my mama's day series!

    p.s. that rude cashier was an older woman who ironically did not look to be aging well.


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