Friday, June 24, 2011

I Am the Other Mamas She Knows!

going away without children

I had to giggle when I read the Once Reluctant, Now Domestic Gloucesterite's latest post, since when she says "more detached than the other moms I know" I am 99.9% sure that I am one of those other moms. How can I be sure? Aside from the fact that pretty much the only thing I dislike about my job is that it is the sole reason I am away from the Babby for 7.5 hours every day, there is plenty of other evidence. Like so:

Things I have not done or have only done once since the Babby was born or in the NICU
  • Gone out to lunch or dinner alone with my husband
  • Seen a movie that was not a documentary about birth issues
  • Spent a night away from the house without the Babby and her Joovy in tow
  • Had anything even close to a "date night"
  • Gone on a plane sans car seat and diapers
  • Seen a movie with my husband
  • Had someone else make an effort to put the Babby to bed
  • Done anything *fun* with just my husband
Things I have not actually made any effort to do since the Babby was born:
  • Actually buckle down and plan a date night or other outing without the Babby
  • Let someone else make a serious attempt at putting the Babby to bed
  • Spend a night or more away without the Babby
  • Go to a movie and have a meal in a restaurant with just my husband
Before you pity me, let me say don't. Don't you cry for the poor, over-burdened working mother who never gets the opportunity to get away from grubby little toddler fingers and sippy cups - except when she's in the office, wishing she was at home. 

Here's the thing that surprises most people: I am okay with that. Not the work part, but the other stuff. The 24/7 toddler fingers and sippy cups part. I did it, and I loved it. Still do. People live a long time nowadays, and I will spend most of the rest of my life with a grown up child who has her own life. Would the BabbyDaddy like to go on a date? Probably, and I would go and have fun, too, but he has made no more effort to plan such an outing than I have. (Which probably means nothing, but still.) Every now and then I think it would be nice to get out of the house sans kiddo, but the drive just isn't strong enough. Am I attached at the hip? No, but I'm also not motivated enough to make the effort to plan anything that would take me away from the Babby for any particular length of time. And I think that makes me in the minority.

So is anyone else out there pretty happy being with their little kid/s all the time?


  1. i'm so sorry! i totally didn't mean to be like YEAH THAT CHRISTA IS WEIRD, because you're not the only mom i know like that, and i don't think it's odd at all! i know like three or four people from other social circles, so i truly feel like the weirdo for being like "oh god, here, have my kid for like a week while i go have a martini." and when people started commenting on my facebook i was like stop, seriously, you don't even HAVE kids, so don't judge people. there's no "too much" or "too little", there's what works for you.

    i just felt at the time like the only people who gave up their kids to the grandparents as readily as I did are like, heroin addicts.

  2. also, i think i may just continually change the first word of my blog as i see fit. i was thinking of "tempermental" over the weekend...

  3. Heh, I AM weird. True story. And for real, things might be different if, say, I lived close to my mom or my dad and it was even an option for me to drink a giant week-big martini. Which is a pretty big martini, for sure. Maybe if I had family closer I would be a PARTY ANIMAL.

    P.P.S. - Oh wait no you can't because the mister is home sick fuuuuuuuu

  4. wait, what can't i do (besides "pretty much everything")? i'm so confused.

  5. I am the same way. I don't overly plan date nights nor does my husband. I lazily suggested a night away for our anniversary, which was met with reluctance on both our parts; who will put the boy to bed? I have relished this time off I've had as a teacher; I don't mind being with him 24/7 and anything else that comes with it. This is a season of our lives that will pass all too quickly and it's one I'll miss. So, date nights are few and far between, outings don't happen and I'm cool with that.

  6. @RG I was totally all "Come over today" but then I forgot the BabbyDaddy is at home resting, ooh la la. Probably buying expensive shoes and eating bon bons and things, too.

    @gin Glad to know I'm not alone! People say all the time, "You need a date night" and "You need to take some time for yourself" and of course my first thought is, are you going to pay for that/take the Babby/do my job for me. But then I think my husband and I are also essentially lazy. We didn't exactly max out on the date nights and so on BEFORE WE HAD A KID. We also spend almost every evening sitting together or at least doing things in the same room and conversing. So it's not like we're chronically deprived of one another.

  7. This is how I can live in one room with my kid and husband. Because I *like* her most of the time. Sure, I like to escape on the roof for half an hour (occasionally even an hour) but somewhere around the 3.5 year mark, I realized that holy hell, I like hanging out with my kid! (I already knew that about the husband.) :)

  8. All of my kids are teenagers now and I would give almost anything to have them all be toddlers just one more time. I worked when my first son was little and I absolutely hated being away.

    I LOVE your blog background, by the way :)

  9. @E.H. I've always loved spending time with the Babby. Which I think is why it drives me nuts when I hear SAHMs complaining about stuff. It's like, hey, daycare exists and so do other pursuits. If the whole being with your kids all day thing isn't working for you, THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS.

    @Silver Strands Thank you! Just a basic freebie background, but I like it :)


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