Thursday, September 8, 2011

What Would Me Then Think of Me Now


All kinds of things on my mind today and hardly any focus. I'm thinking about potty training and plastic pants. My continuing efforts to declutter and simplify - today I say goodbye to a crystal ball, Apples to Apples, and the Babby's changing table. Taking a German class myself, though I'm not sure what kind would be best. Mainly because we can't afford $20k/yr to send the Babby to the German-English school in Boston, if she'd even get in, so her best bet is learning from me. And so on.

Also thinking about family. Mine and the BabbyDaddy's both.

I think the rain pouring down makes me thoughtful. I don't feel as much like doing as I usually do, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who would ideally be curled up under a blanket in front of a movie on a day like today. There is, as usual, plenty I could be doing both at work and at home. Professional projects and pet projects and chores, too. What will I do during my lunch hour? Put away the dishes, most likely, and think about how hard it is to cart my butt back to work after being home for 45 minutes. In other words, the usual.

I found a letter written to me by the BabbyDaddy last night - the only letter he's ever sent me, and the closest thing to a love letter I'll ever receive*. Reading it just before I slipped into bed got me to thinking about whether I'm the same person the BabbyDaddy liked so much back then. And of course my first and pervasive thought was that I'm not and how awful and that the words he used to describe me were so wonderful that he must miss that person I was terribly when he looks at the person I am now.

And then of course I had to stare at him in the dark and wonder if he still ::likes:: me as much now as he did then. Because I like him better.

Do you ever feel like the changes others must see in you haven't all been for the better?

*From someone who isn't a big creep.

7 comments:

  1. I think those things sometime too - does he still "like" me. They must think the same thing too? So, we should allow ourselves the confidence to answer that question with a Yes!

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  2. what an introspective post - i always appreciate when bloggers are so honest!

    and thanks for stopping by my blog today for my SITS feature. i'm your newest follower

    cheers,
    cailen
    www.lifestylemaven.org

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  3. Definitely! I definitely worry about the change part. More that I worry that my dragging Matt along on this family ride has him being someone he wasn't planning on being, and he'll resent me for it in a few years. Maybe that's why I encourage the job-hunt.

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  4. Oh Christa...we are always hardest on ourselves.

    You know what I think? I think that we become MORE ourselves with our partners the longer we are married. So yes, they see our personality warts. But they also witness us becoming a mother. Becoming a grow up. Becoming more our true selves.

    And the balance tips in favor of our positive attributes. I promise.

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  5. We all grow and change in time and really that's a good thing. We become wiser and more compassionate. As parents, we become more selfless and patient. I'd be willing to bet BabbyDaddy is also not the same person he was when he first met you.

    For myself, I know that I'm most certainly not the same person I was 10 years ago and I'm *really* happy about that. I think the important thing is to be a part of the change that occurs in each of you and to embrace the new discoveries you make about each other and yourselves.

    Also, I think you're rather awesome.

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  6. I do think that. I wonder about a lot of my old friends before my move, marriage, baby. We used to have so much in common and now I wonder if they think I'm an old bore!

    Any insight on plastic pants? Potty training horrors over here...

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  7. We're going to try semi-padded undies combined with cheap plastic covers. I think for us, something that's no like a diaper is going to work better since the Babby, unfortunately, loves her diapers.

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