Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Seven Letter H Word aka HITTING

FYI: There's still plenty of time to enter my Shabby Apple Giveaway! And low entries means that your chances of winning are pretty good!

Lately, I have become the victim of domestic abuse. NOT, I should stress, abuse doled out by my lovely husband, but rather regular beatings leveled at moi from my heretofore darling daughter. Yes, we have a hitter on our hands and I'm at a loss for what to do. Currently we're just doing Time Out after Time Out, and making the Babby apologize in very specific terms after each infraction. There's a little discussion about how hitting hurts bodies and hurts feelings. Then we have a hug.

It's all a bit gentle and genteel and possible more ineffectual than not for it. But I can't see hitting back, since my feeling is that is sends a rather weird message. You hit me, and I'll hit you back hard because I'm bigger and I can.

I remember my mom hitting me and/or spanking me, and I won't lie to you about what went through my brain at the time. I literally plotted out all of the ways I would kill her when I got big enough. Maybe I was a six year old psychopath, who knows. And I didn't kill her, so that should count for something, right? The point is that in my case, being hit taught me hate. The first person I hated was my mother, and I hated her early on - though I don't hate her now, of course.

Now since I'm of the opinion that parenting is a lot like banging a boulder against a wall in the hopes of someday turning it into a pebble, we'll continue with the Time Outs, the simple lectures, the apologies, and the hugs. And we - as in the BabbyDaddy and I - will continue to try to be good examples of good behavior and even to say we're sorry when we mess up so the Babby sees that there's no shame in doing so.

As for me personally, I am going to try to approach the whole thing with more patience and less anger. Being a toddler isn't easy, and I want to identify the root of the feelings that lead to hitting rather than just react to the hitting itself. As a reminder, here is a picture of the Babby in a good mood (along with, finally, a picture of our new piano):


toddler hitting


Hopefully repetition will help end the domestic abuse going on at my house... but that said, I am open to suggestions. How has your family dealt with toddler hitting episodes?

4 comments:

  1. Time outs worked for my 1st child. But my 2nd one is going to need time outs AND other strategies.

    We've used time INs too, where we sit with the toddler and just have some quiet time together.

    We've also used Dr. Karp's method of talking like a caveman "NO HIT. Gentle hands." etc etc

    Sometimes I give the toddler a pillow to hit.

    It's a mixed bag of tricks!

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  2. Thanks for your ideas, Woven Moments! Time Ins are tough because she just takes it as a sign we're here to play. I think I'm going to try the caveman thing!

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  3. This is probably not all that mentally healthy, but at times when my nephew went through hitting phases, I exaggerated the pain he had inflicted pretty extensively. As in, acted incredibly hurt and injured and made him feel guilty about it. Pouting, occasional face in a pillow on the couch. I felt like it sort of made him realize hitting was painful without me having to hit him back. Then he would hug me and apologize without prompting.

    It worked, but some might argue 'guilt' is a bad way to teach.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi, thanks for stopping my blog. Looks like you will be having those heart to heart talks with that precious baby girl you have. What a DOLL! I am dreaming of grandbabies all ready.

    Kisses,
    JennyMay
    the21stcenturyhousewife.com

    ReplyDelete

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