Friday, March 16, 2012

And This Is Where I Say 'What the Heck, Brain?'

Isn't it funny how little things can remind you of big things... isn't it?

Yesterday I went to the hospital for some blood work and as I was walking in, two tired parents were pushing a pair of tiny twins out into the world for the first time. I held it together through the blood draw - during which the phlebotomist asked about my tattoo and then we talked about miscarriages - but once that was over, I locked myself into the nearest bathroom and just lost it.

Complete meltdown, right there in the hospital. I think I still had red, wet cheeks when I went and bought a sandwich from the coffee shop that they opened right in the lobby.

Just an hour earlier, the whole idea would have struck me as silly. And yet there I was, doing that absurd thing where I cry staring into my own eyes in the bathroom mirror. Two tiny hats covering sleeping heads cushioned by hospital issue foam blocks - just like the P. had. It was obvious to me they were NICU babies. Twins almost always are, in case you didn't know.

There's no takeaway here. A few hours more, and I was better. Buried hip deep in work and then childcare and then, once the BabbyDaddy got home, work again. Busyness, as always, is the balm I use at times like these. Engage the mind, and the heart can cry without anyone hearing.

But so you know, I'm feeling better. In fact, this is how I'm feeling:


5 comments:

  1. You know, I thought I was totally fine after my miscarriage until a while later when I did get pregnant again and the nurse was walking me back to the room, I got all dizzy and teary... it was crazy. And I was happy to be there, I was pregnant again, right? But it was overwhelming.

    Sometimes, you just have to cry.

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    Replies
    1. I'd say it's not that surprising of a trigger. Everything medical... then babies, too. Or pregnancy. It's bound to bring back feelings!

      And cry I did. Then I felt better :)

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  2. So glad you're feeling better! *hugs*

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  3. The thought of your crying alone in a hospital bathroom makes me sad. I want to send you cake! Seriously. email me your addy and your fav type.

    p.s. Have I told you before that I love your cabinets?!

    ReplyDelete

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