Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Warning: Complaining Ahead!

Have you ever been in a place where it feels like nothing ever calms down, not even for a second? And that it's not going to calm down and so all you can do is keep fighting your way forward?

That's where I am right now. Just fighting through.

Stomping across the landscape of the day trying not to think about anything much so I can get to the sleeping part.

Part of it is hormones. (Someday I will say to P. that I am kind of sorry that God and biology made her a lady with all of the baggage that comes with that.) Part of it is feeling overwhelmed by work, and by a future that is, as of now, promising to be even more full.

I look forward and think I will not cope. I will crack into a million pieces.

This is not a depression thing. This is a scheduling thing. A too few hours in the day thing. A not enough sleep thing. An up to me to figure out thing because when there is stretching to be done, it's inevitable that it's going to be me who figures out how to cross the gap.

Could I work more? Sure. Why not? There's a whole weekend day now where I don't do any work. There are times when I may go a whole evening without writing or editing a little something. Honestly, I'd like more clients, but they'd have to be regular retainer clients to get me out of the situation I'm in now because we're in no position for me to do a little of this and a little of that right now.

I swear, the whole (mysterious, sorry) situation makes me want to tear out my hair.

For balance, here's a gratitude check: I am employed. I am healthy. Things could be so much worse. P. is happy, and even if I am cranky right now, she forgives me.




12 comments:

  1. No words of wisdom, but a virtual hug and OMG THE PICTURE IS SO CUTE! P is just so adorable -- and you are doing a heck of a job(s) with everything you've got on your plate. I hope you get a break soon.

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    1. Thanks for the virtual hug and the encouragement - it really does mean a lot!

      (And I have to say that Tedd always gets a kick out of hearing about your blog and your comments here.)

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you! It's what I'm striving for. You know what helped a lot? Eating the last cupcake at lunch :)

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  3. Ah, so tough. I wish the best for you!! Your book is BRILLIANT, by the way! I wish I had known of it 6 years ago when planning my own wedding almost solely through the internet.

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    1. Thanks! :) 6 years ago? It was just a dream - you missed it by two years :)

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  4. This is difficult and is something I too grapple with. Leaving Toph in the morning as he sobs and sobs wanting me to stay longer with him...ugh. It's a downward spiral.
    It's important to hang in there, knowing in life there is a season for everything.
    And I must say, P has the face of an angel. And...your yellow pumps? Girl, work! Those are gorgeous!

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    1. I've been so super lucky that P. is mostly okay with daycare dropoff. I can't remember the last time she got sad. But we had a few weeks this past summer where she not only wailed as I left, but would cry in the morning as soon as she realized it was a weekday. Uncool.

      Thanks you for the kind words :)

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  5. Sorry you're fighting through the days. But I've found that good days will eventually follow bad ones. Hang in there!

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  6. If it helps you feel any better- I feel the same way most days...not enough hours in the day (without the kids at least) to get anything done.

    At least you can vent here...to people who get it. Love that about blogging.

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  7. I feel you on this. Oh, boy, do I ever feel you on this.

    I don't have any words of wisdom, other than, hang in there! (and share if you figure out how to deal with it all!)

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  8. It is a tough place to be but when you complain, it's not whiney and irritating! I'll keep you in my prayers for peace and answers. Love the picture - she is so precious.

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