Tuesday, May 8, 2012

A Gray, Rainy Post for a Gray, Rainy Day

As is typical these days, I am sitting on bunches of photos that haven't yet made the journey from my camera to my computer. And I have ultrasound pictures to share! But they need to be scanned in, which is such a pain in the rear. So let's just say that the main reason I haven't shared anything in a whole week is not that I've been too busy - even if yes, I have been too busy - but because I don't have any new pictures.

What am I busy doing?

First, working on a super secret project with a friend - one that I hope will turn out both awesome and profitable! Second, puttering around the house trying to finish up (or just identify) little projects that I'd love to get done before my dad, his wife, and my aunt visit in, oh, less than two weeks. Third, freelance work that has been arriving in my to-do pile in little bites. Fourth, all my regular work. *falls over*

Maybe I should tack pregnancy-related exhaustion onto the list?

This ongoing schedule does a lot to explain why I haven't taken half a month's worth of new pictures off of the family camera, actually. I'm hoping for a rest sometime in the nearish future, but truthfully, I'm not counting on it. Sometimes I wonder if that's what the life of a working parent essentially is... particularly one who works and then on top of it freelances... job, caring for the home, caring for the children, freelance job number whatever, caring for children, caring for the home, feeding everyone, breathe for a little minute, lather, rinse, and then repeat until children are old enough to think hanging out with mom and dad is so lame.

Focus has been difficult lately, with the exhaustion and the tiny bites of freelance work. Ideally, all focus would be poured into the super secret project and the P. In reality, focus is torn between deadlines and dishes and dresses and dinner, among some other million little things.

There is never a moment where I can look around me and think "I am done." There is no done, only the next task and the next task added to an ever revolving to-do list that encompasses work and chores because anything I don't write down, I forget to do. It makes me sad sometimes that deadlines are always floating just behind my eyes when I'm reading to P. and that my big treat this weekend for finishing up my laundry list of Sunday work was giving myself permission to slack off by *giggles* trimming the edging along the raised beds. The closest thing I ever experience to relaxing is sitting down to plan the next day's must-do tasks.

If it was a matter of balance, I suppose I could 'let the housework go' but it's a matter of making a living. Way back when, I wrote a post about loving housework, and I do. When it's all I have to do, I find cleaning and maintaining the yard relaxing instead of taxing. Letting the housework go means giving up something I enjoy so I have more time to do the things I don't. Nuts to that!

I miss this, so so much:

being a SAHM mom

2 comments:

  1. Oh dear... I hear ya! Balance is one of the biggest challenges and housework love?????? Ok, don't quite get that but I love it when it is done :P I actually don't mind it ... IF the kids are busy with an outdoor activity because doing housework with the kids in it is like shoveling in a snowstorm!

    Make it a great day!

    http://www.mommasweightloss.com

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  2. Balance is such a tricky thing. I have yet to figure it out, too. Thank you for stopping by my SITS day - so nice to meet you!

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