Thursday, February 28, 2013

5 Reasons We're Stopping at Two

If you had a peek at my most recent Wordless Wednesday entry, you probably guessed that I come from a family where having lots of babies is the norm. The mister and I are bucking a trend. Whereas it's not unusual for my relatives to have four or more kids in a brood, we're possibly the sole members of 'two and we're through' club on that side of the fam.

stopping at two kids

Here are five reasons - some serious, some not - why the mister got fixed over winter break:
1. We have a mixed set, and word on the street is that the one girl/one boy family combo is quite popular. It may not be what I wanted once upon a time, but I think it may make life easier in the long run. Less teen year cat fighting and/or knock-down, drag out wrestling, for instance.

2. Our house has two bedrooms in addition to our own. Would those rooms be big enough for sibling sharing? Sure. But that would mean twin beds for everyone and, ugh, I hated my twin bed growing up. Stopping at two means no running lines of masking tape down the middle of, well, everything. Everyone can have their own stuff.

3. I never, ever, EVER want to be pregnant again. Hence the mister's vasectomy. My pregnancy with P. was nice and easy, except for the whole prematurity thing at the end. Then I had a triplet miscarriage. Then they thought Bo could have Down syndrome and we opted for the wait and see approach. Never again.

4. With one girl and one boy, there won't be any fighting over clothes. Probably. Or boys. Probably. But even if Bo turns out to be rather fancy or P. wants to schlumpydump it up, it's unlikely they'll be the same pants size by the time it would be an issue.

5. We have limited resources. While we're not destitute, we're not rolling in the dough, either. Until something changes, I have to work. Right now, I can do that with Bo at home. With multiple kids underfoot, I couldn't work at home. With multiple kids in childcare because I was working outside the home, we'd be bleeding money. On top of that, I want to have the funds for enrichment. Dance classes. Piano lessons. Museum tickets. Art supplies. Possibly sporting equipment.
Can kids thrive without dance classes in shared bedrooms and toys and lots of sibling infighting over everything from boys to who got the biggest piece of pie? Of course! Having a big family is fun, and I recognize that by stopping at two children I am making a sacrifice. I am missing out on a lot of experiences I imagined I would have as a mom. A lot of the craziness that comes with having what some people might see as too many kids. I know I will never stop wondering what it would have been like if the multiples had been born instead of lost, and then we had Bo on top of it all.

But I also think I'm making the right choice for my kids and my family.

Are you in the one and done club? Two and through? Three and... no more for me? Four, five, or six? How did you know you were finished having kids?

12 comments:

  1. I'm a fan of never being pregnant again. You did better than me; we stopped at 1. Hooray for the vasectomy!

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  3. All very good reasons. I always wanted 2 kids, three at the most. I have one daughter, and boyfriend has one daughter, so unintentionally I already have two, but since I'd like to have one more kid of my own, we're planning on having another someday, but that will probably be it. Mentally and financially, I don't think we could ever handle more than three. And that's also why we're waiting - right now with two kids that are 2 and under, they just require too much attention. I want the current babies at least able to form sentences before another needy one joins the mix.

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  4. I still half-joke with Matt that we're having 5, eventually. Of course we'd need to move out to the farm... daydreaming, that's what that is. Honestly, I think 2 or 3 will be it for us. Matt says 2, but we've agreed to wait a year after baby2 to decide for sure.

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  5. We have 3 and had to make the choice to have a tubal with my last. After 2 NICU experiences, health issues and other things, we knew we just had to be done, so I get your choice completely.

    Thanks for stopping by Natural and Free on my SITS Day. :)

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  6. 1. I'm an only child and enjoyed getting to do ALL the girl stuff AND all the boy stuff. Dance AND basketball. Painting AND drag racing.

    2. I possibly would have stuck with one regardless, but hubby already has a girl and boy from his previous marriage, so we're already full up.

    3. My heart does not like having a baby. I mean that physically, not emotionally. It's not worth risking Juliet's chance of having a healthy mom for a theoretical future baby.

    Hubby also got snipped recently. It's fantastic. :-)

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  7. We are a two-and-through family also, and similarly surrounded by families of 3 and 4. At the end of the day, I just didn't feel like someone was missing. I realized that my desire for another child was really my desire for this not to be over, which is of course not the same thing. Understanding the difference between those emotions was helpful. xox

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  8. I'm right there with you, for many of the same reasons. My hubby to has had the big V. A family of four is perfect for us-- even though both John and I are one of five.

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  9. I am with you. I am the oldest of six and I don't ever want to put my kids through that (the tight space, the limited resources, never enough attention to go around). I'm still waiting for the Mister's vasectomy though. I told him I'd leave him if I get pregnant by accident.

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  10. I also stopped at two for a few of the same reasons. I always knew that I was meant to have two boys and when that's what I got, I knew I was done. Plus this is a three bedroom house and they each get their own room.

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  11. I was always very sure I wanted to be a mother of two. Matt was never sure he wanted any, until my first one won him over. And then twins happened. I've mostly adjusted to the idea of being a mother of three, though the twins have a few more weeks of baking left, and I'm sure it won't be entirely real until they're here in my arms. But now there's a part of me - possibly just the hormonal pregnant part - that thinks if we're going to have three, why not four? We're already having more than either of us had planned, what's one more? Is it really that much more trouble? Matt thinks I'm nutso. We've agreed to give it a few years before doing anything permanent, but he's pretty opposed to the idea of more.

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    1. (To be clear, we WERE trying to get pregnant when twins happened - one of them was planned.)

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