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Is it just me, or do a lot of guys secretly or not-so-secretly have an ex who they quietly obsess over forever? But it's not the girl who got away. It's the girl they wholeheartedly believe they destroyed in body, mind and spirit by initiating a break up or being a cad or by going away to school instead of going to State. Every tale is different, save for one detail.
She is scarred for life.
In my dating days I had not one, but two semi-serious boyfriends melodramatically share the story of the ex who simply must have been so despondent that they 'done her wrong' that not only was she probably ruined for all other men, but possibly just plain ruined for all time. Both times, I was rightfully irritated and suggested that I would not stand in their way if they wanted to go make things right.
Better still, I have been that girl - not broken, but rather on the receiving end of a phone call in which a boy I once cared for years before admitted he thought he must have ruined my life. As if someone could ruin my life by hurting my feelings when I was 18 years old. I didn't know whether to be amused by the magnitude of his hubris or annoyed that he truly thought he had wielded so much power over me.
I mean that's an awful lot of power for someone to imagine that they have in a relationship. Especially when my and all these many ladies' lives allegedly ruined were ruined by young men in their late teens and very early 20s.
The very strangest part is that the guilty torches the guys are holding have been burning for a decade or more, as if it's not only possible, but likely even that the ex in question is still sitting mournfully in her room day after day thinking about that time he ditched her to work on his friend's Dodge. Unable to hold down a job. Incapable of love! A mere shell of a human being! All because of him.
Now, this probably isn't just a guy thing, but I've never heard one of my girlfriends suggest they'd ruined some man from their past for all other women forever and ever. Of course, I've also never heard one of my girlfriends give much more than an amused (or maybe angry) passing thought to an ex. Could be the ladies I know just aren't the pining kind. Or that a fair number of the guys I know are. There are always exceptions.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of this phenomenon?