Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Why I am NOT Bare Down There

Remember that ladies' razor commercial from a while back where everyone was walking around in front of bushes that were smoothly sculpting themselves into triangles, circles, and (ahem) landing strips? Real subtle, Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle and Bikini Trimmer in One.

pube razor

Maybe I'm just terribly old fashioned, but I never thought I'd see the day where they'd be advertising pube razors on the television.

Then again, I probably also never foresaw a day when I'd be telling a bunch of internet friends that I used to be an afficiando of such things. I blame dance. At some point at a certain age, if leotards and tights are the required studio wear or you're wearing lollipops on stage, you're going to need to bust out the razor or the wax or, I suppose, the tweezers. (But if you do that, I have to assume you're cray.)

Once I got going, I just sort of kept going because it's kind of like having a short hairstyle where you keep going for cuts while you think about maybe growing it out but, geez, it's such a pain to go through that awkward phase of the grow-out process where you kind of look like Prince Valiant. Except replace awkward with itchy and Prince Valiant with a prematurely hairy middle school boy's face.

But at the risk of taking this TMI to the next level, I'm no longer sporting a Telly Savalas, and let me tell you why.

Daughters, that's why. Once I had a girl baby, it just seemed kind of totally weird and gross to groom myself to look like one after that. I get that not everyone feels the same gut-level squickiness, and I don't have anything at all to say about what it might or might not say about guys who dig that look. For me, it was about wanting to look like a grownup. The alternative felt... creepy.

Anyone else make the switch from bare down there to full fro or something in between after having kids?

19 comments:

  1. Hmm.. may as well take the TMI to the next level. I tried the "bald" version. Didn't like the upkeep. Now I just keep myself neatly trimmed. Even after 50 I still do. I WILL NEVER wax though. Never. Followed you from SITS. Have a blessed day!

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  2. I'm bald and my husband wouldn't want it any other way....but I have all boys,so that thought never ever occurred to me.

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    1. I really do think if I'd had all boys, it never would have even entered my brain to think this way about it.

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  3. I've never been into going bald. Trimming, yes, completely gone? Nope. When I was 18 I went on what I thought was a friendly movie outing but turned out to be a date and on the drive home the guy I'd known for years up and says "I like girls with no hair down there." Awkward. My immediate response - remember, I was unaware it was a date because Oblivious Audrey is Oblivious and because well..no one had ever asked me on one before - was "Oh. So you like 13 year olds?" He was not amused and never asked me to a movie again. Or really spoke to me. But that sentiment of baldness equating with prepubescence kind of stuck with me and so I just never really wanted to look like something a pedophile craves.

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    1. Please please tell me his admission came out of nowhere - like you were talking about the popcorn and suddenly he's telling you about his pube preferences.

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    2. Oh it was totally left field. I think one minute he was singing Pink Floyd and urging me to sing with him - which I didn't because A. I don't sing and B. I didn't know the words to whichever song it was - and the next this came out of his mouth.

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  4. hahaha..Prince Valiant!! My sisters are both dancers, so like you, there was always a reason to stay "Telly" like. I think they probably still do it. I never was able to keep doing it. I'm an in between, I would say.

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    1. You really can't wear most costumes and leos without a bunch of clean up first!

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  5. I'm an in between too. It's a lot of work and I have very sensitive skin so by the time the red bumps are gone it's already grown back in. My hubby doesn't seem to care much either way as long as there's nothing in the way of horizontal mambo adventures!

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  6. i use a beard trimmer on the ol' ladybeard. it does the trick without being oddly bare. like hell am i going to wax that ish. i only use the trimmer because my hair looks like Drop Dread Fred down there if I don't.

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  7. Another "neatly trimmed" over here. I already battle enough ingrown hairs to consider clearing even more real-estate. Basically, I stay presentable enough for bikini-season, but not enough for a Victoria's Secret show.

    I'm glad that my version of dance, mostly swing with some latin/ballroom, included dance outfits where this was not a concern.

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    1. Ballet, man. You're doing things with your legs no one should do and in a leotard, to boot.

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  8. For me, it wasn't having Pea -- it was working sex abuse cases. You spend enough time dealing with low-lifes who get off on 8 year olds and the bare look thing gets creepy really fast.

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  9. Great topic! Until recently I worked on keeping it neat, mostly during bathing suit season. Right now, I got a maternity swimsuit that is a skirt, so I really don't care. And, it's sensitive, and difficult. I let a friend wax me once, ouch! Never again, a professional if ever. Bt after the 5 year old I nannied for mentioned my hairy bikini line, I've tried to keep it neat.

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