It's Been an Amazing Two Years

Things are changing around here, in a big way. Or will be in a less than a week, when I start going into an actual office to work with actual adults to earn an actual regular paycheck that doesn't require me to chase down clients, pay quarterly taxes, or sit the Babby in front of dinos for an hour to finish up pending projects so I don't have to wake up before dawn to work.

It's bittersweet, I guess. I feel like the opportunity is a good one - especially since the company seems fun and is really local and they were kind enough to offer me a six-hour workday. That means I don't waste two hours of my day trekking into Boston, and I don't feel like the only time I get to see the Babby is when she needs waking, feeding, changing, or putting to bed.

If I absolutely have to work - and I guess I do - then this is going to be the least painful way to do it.

But still, it hurts "reeeaally baaaaad," as the Babby might say. I've just been crying and crying and not sleeping particularly well. (That's on top of the Babby having a crying jag one night and the BabbyDaddy picking up a stomach bug that meant serious biohazard cleanup another night.)

Is this where I'm supposed to stop whining again? Because I've been lucky enough to have two gorgeous years at home with my amazing daughter. Lots of people, especially here in the U.S. where maternity leave is just ridiculous, get just a few weeks. And I can't even sniffle about not making the most of the time I had at home with the Babby, since I do feel like I made the most of it.

Really, I do! We've gone to the park and the beach in all kinds of weather, in the hot and in the cold. We've walked all over for miles and miles. Looked for dogs. And cats and squirrels. Put rocks in our pockets. Taken swimming lessons. Read 1,000,000 books. Cuddled up and watched movies on sick days. Gone out for snacks and cooked together. Climbed featherbed mountains. Drawn dinosaurs and posed for pictures and and and...

And if I could stay at home with her even longer, I would. But I can't.

So I guess I just wanted to use this small corner of the Internet, the one soapbox I have that's uniquely mine, to say:

These past two years, as stressful as they have been at times, have been the most amazing, the most entertaining, the most fascinating, and the most beautiful two years of my entire life. I don't think I will ever see their like again.

(That's not the only downside to my new situation, though. The other big 'con' is I am getting an IUD placed in a few weeks. We'd intended to try for another pregnancy this year, but were holding off for the time being to time it right around the family reunion in Germany in July. Now there's no telling when I'll be able to have a second child, and I'm already 31. It's a big part of why I was so sad the other day. Why is this an issue? Because even with me working, we can't afford two kids' worth of childcare.

I know people are having children well into their forties these days, but it's not easy and for me, it's not ideal. Even now, just the other day, the BabbyDaddy and I were talking about how the Babby has a relationship with her great grandparents, but there's a good chance neither of us will ever even meet our great grandchildren. Sad.)