Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It's Been an Amazing Two Years

Things are changing around here, in a big way. Or will be in a less than a week, when I start going into an actual office to work with actual adults to earn an actual regular paycheck that doesn't require me to chase down clients, pay quarterly taxes, or sit the Babby in front of dinos for an hour to finish up pending projects so I don't have to wake up before dawn to work.

It's bittersweet, I guess. I feel like the opportunity is a good one - especially since the company seems fun and is really local and they were kind enough to offer me a six-hour workday. That means I don't waste two hours of my day trekking into Boston, and I don't feel like the only time I get to see the Babby is when she needs waking, feeding, changing, or putting to bed.

If I absolutely have to work - and I guess I do - then this is going to be the least painful way to do it.

But still, it hurts "reeeaally baaaaad," as the Babby might say. I've just been crying and crying and not sleeping particularly well. (That's on top of the Babby having a crying jag one night and the BabbyDaddy picking up a stomach bug that meant serious biohazard cleanup another night.)

Is this where I'm supposed to stop whining again? Because I've been lucky enough to have two gorgeous years at home with my amazing daughter. Lots of people, especially here in the U.S. where maternity leave is just ridiculous, get just a few weeks. And I can't even sniffle about not making the most of the time I had at home with the Babby, since I do feel like I made the most of it.

Really, I do! We've gone to the park and the beach in all kinds of weather, in the hot and in the cold. We've walked all over for miles and miles. Looked for dogs. And cats and squirrels. Put rocks in our pockets. Taken swimming lessons. Read 1,000,000 books. Cuddled up and watched movies on sick days. Gone out for snacks and cooked together. Climbed featherbed mountains. Drawn dinosaurs and posed for pictures and and and...

And if I could stay at home with her even longer, I would. But I can't.

So I guess I just wanted to use this small corner of the Internet, the one soapbox I have that's uniquely mine, to say:

These past two years, as stressful as they have been at times, have been the most amazing, the most entertaining, the most fascinating, and the most beautiful two years of my entire life. I don't think I will ever see their like again.

(That's not the only downside to my new situation, though. The other big 'con' is I am getting an IUD placed in a few weeks. We'd intended to try for another pregnancy this year, but were holding off for the time being to time it right around the family reunion in Germany in July. Now there's no telling when I'll be able to have a second child, and I'm already 31. It's a big part of why I was so sad the other day. Why is this an issue? Because even with me working, we can't afford two kids' worth of childcare.

I know people are having children well into their forties these days, but it's not easy and for me, it's not ideal. Even now, just the other day, the BabbyDaddy and I were talking about how the Babby has a relationship with her great grandparents, but there's a good chance neither of us will ever even meet our great grandchildren. Sad.)


  1. There are big changes happening in your house! I hope the transition goes smoothly for everyone. I love the photo montage and the outline of your two years at home. You, me...we are lucky to be able to say we did that. I hear you on the family planning front...I'm facing 35 in May, which made losing the baby last month even harder because fact is I'm getting older and I my body can only do so much. Good luck with everything!!!

  2. I can so totally relate. I had to go to work when son was going on 18 months and I missed time with him so. Right after he turned 11 I was able to come home and finish raising him through high school graduation. It was precious - as precious as the first 18 months. Here's praying you reach a place you can come back home, too!

  3. Can I just tell you that the last paragraph gave me a shiver. I was just thinking about this last night, we're both in our early 30s as well. Wondering if they will go for grad degrees or med degrees or any degrees at all. Wondering when they might get married or have kids...and if we'll be young enough to be able to enjoy said grandkids at all. My Great Grandparents were down to only 1 when I was growing up, so the fact that my kids' have 5 of their great grandparents around now is exciting for me. But somehow I don't think we'll be around for our great grandkids.

  4. I love reading your posts...interesting! I'm your new follower and hope that you can visit my blog and be my follower as well. Thanks,have a nice day.

  5. If you want another baby down the line, is an IUD a good idea?

    Hope everything goes well…you have so much going on!

    ~Penelope (I love to write about beauty tips!)

  6. @Penelope Problems associated with IUDs and fertility aren't particularly common, so why not? I'd much rather use a non-hormonal form of birth control, and various studied have concluded that use of a copper IUD is not associated with an increased risk of tubal infertility.


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