Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sometimes There's Sunshine, Sometimes There's Shadow, and Sometimes There's a Whole Heck of Shadow

Ever have one of those days where it feels all but impossible to imagine ever laughing or being happy again? Because that's the kind of day I'm having right now. A hopeless, bleak day where it just feels like there's nothing good waiting for me in the future at all. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it involves work and the Babby and a whole heaping helping of regret. Because, just like everyone else, I guess, I made some pretty dumb decisions in my past that have negatively impacted my current earning potential.

Maybe you're saying: Whatever, whiny-pants. Because I have my health and a great Babby and a husband who loves me and so on and so forth. True, a lot of people don't have any of those things. Sometimes, though, I think that having a heavy heart transcends all of those things and takes over. Right now, it's not just my heart that feels heavy - it's my whole self. My back hurts and stomach hurts and my legs really hurt for no reason at all, so I can only imagine that it's my brain forcing my body to feel like my heart is feeling. 



  1. It's okay to admit to feeling like crap sometimes... especially since you know you're blessed! There's nothing wrong with wishing for a little more of the American dream either, unless you let it control your whole life. Yeah, a sucky day here or there is allowed, but if it's going to make your whole life sad... time to re-evaluate. I bet there's things you can do to change the situation you find yourself in too... hard, but not impossible!

  2. Big hugs. WIsh I could buy you a coffee right now!

    I hear you. Really hear you. Some decisions I made right out of law school continue to bite me in the ass - it seemed like the thing to do at the time, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever end up out of the pile of debt I'm in, or if I'll ever find a job that'll even allow me to break even. Staying home with P was the right thing to do for her, but the wrong thing for ME, and that is a hard thing to justify sometimes.

    Those are the days when I spiral down into the "I'm a bad person" vortex that is impossible for me to get out of (without medication).

  3. i'm pretty damn cranky lately and have nothing to look forward to as well, and i usually get through life by looking forward to stuff. even though my life is from the outside pretty awesome. i think i'd have ppd if i had a spare moment to be depressed.

  4. also, that first comment sounded all "meeeee!" i'm all one-handed typing right now. but uh, i'm sorry you feel like ass! if you wanna get drinks or somethin, or smash glasses against walls, i'm down to join you.

  5. *HUGS*
    That sucks. I'm sorry you feel that way. But, I'm sure it'll get better. :) And I don't mind meeting up for drinks or whatnot if that helps. ;)

  6. that last comment was me. stupid gmail/blogger connection.

  7. THIS is the Winter of our discontent. If you didn't have anything to complain about how would we ever get ahead? You have lots of great things in your life, (and yeah there are others who don't have those same things) but we all have some kind of burden, right. I would love to write one of those piece of shit positive things like "Don't worry, just reach for the stars!", or "Live without regrets!", or "Hang in there!". But you know what? This winter has totally sucked, you've had stuff happen that's worth complaining about, and you have people who will read your complaints because you're awesome in any mood. Bring it on. Love and Peace to you.

  8. I hope you are having a better day today! I know what you mean. I've gone through times like that too in my life, but there's nothing to do but go forward -- after eating some chocolate and wallowing a little bit, of course!

  9. The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
    It rains,and the wind is never weary;
    The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
    But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
    And the day is dark and dreary.

    My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
    It rains,and the wind is never weary;
    My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
    But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
    And the days are dark and dreary.

    Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
    Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
    Thy fate is the common fate of all,
    Into each life some rain must fall,
    Some days must be dark and dreary.

    ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

    I think, without the ability to regret, we cannot truly value what we do have. I am sure that, when you are ready, you will find the light behind your shadow.

    Much love, dear one.

  10. I feel the shadow right now. I get it. I really get it.

    Great blog site!



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